Game of Thrones: My Internal Dialogue to S1E1

As I am coming to the unfortunate end of Arrested Development on Netflix, I figured it was due time that I start another series. I had a lot of choices, but knowing how much I love science-y and fantasy shows [read: LOST, Once Upon A Time, Fringe, The Walking Dead, etc.] there was only one obvious standout: Game of Thrones. It had been a long time coming for me to start GoT; many friends are obsessed and being an avid user of the internet, GoT references seem to follow me wherever I go [read: WINTER IS COMING]. If you have ever watched a television show with me, I truly apologize and commend you because I tend to have something to say about almost every scene and I rarely hold back. In fact, I often live-tweet shows that I am watching, but, as of late, I’ve kept it to only live-tweeting The Bachelorette (ugh, Des). All this being said, I figured I would simply write down my dialogue as I watched the pilot episode of Game of Thrones and publish it here instead of cluttering everyone’s twitter timelines (you’re welcome). If you’ve watched the show before, hopefully you will be able to follow along with my ramblings. If not, welcome to my psychotic mind. I’ve also tried to provide some complimentary GIFs to the scenes in which I am talking about so my ramblings don’t seem so random (credit goes these guys). Enjoy.

  • Who is this man that looks oddly like Matt Damon?
  • WAIT, there’s a Michael Cera lookalike, too?!
  • Wait, it is actually the dead of winter; how are those horses not freezing?
  • What’s with the two bars of music and then dead silence? I’m sorry, that is extremely creepy.
  • Okay, sir, you see the smoke coming from under a log. WHY ARE YOU WALKING TOWARDS IT. IT WILL PROBABLY KILL YOU.
  • Oh, my bad, crawling in the snow towards it. You, sir, will get frostbite.
  • PSYCH. THERE ARE MUTILATED BODIES ON STICKS EVERYWHERE.
  • OH SH*T HE JUST RAN INTO ONE POSTED UP ON A TREE.
  • Seeya BYE.
  • Oh? These men have intriguing accents. Weasley-esque, if I may.
  • Matt Damon looks very suspiciously like Matt Damon.
  • These guys secretly hate each other but they know that they’re the only people in the woods so they have to pretend to be friends.
  • LOL YOU GON DIE IF YOU LEAVE EACH OTHER.
  • Matt Damon is kind of a bully, guys.
  • Okay, Michael Cera must be delusional because all those dead bodies have PEACED OUT OF THERE.
  • Yo, I would get on my horse into the sunshine if I were these guys. Count me out of this mess.
  • OH SH*T THAT SH*T JUST KILLED MATT DAMON.
  • I’m sorry, ICE BLUE EYES?! Matt Demon just killed Matt Damon, AMIRITE?!
  • This chick just came back from the dead, like, I’m sorry, count me out.
  • She has really pretty eyes though.
  • HOOOOOOLY IT’S JUST MICHAEL CERA LEFT.
  • Oh, so the rando guys’ head was a peace offering? Yeah, not gonna cut it.
  • Thank G they cut to the theme song and opening credits, that was getting too out of control for me.
  • Okay, but these opening credits are actually kind of cool. Is this song on Spotify?
  • Grass, how nice of you to join us. I guess we have changed seasons in 2 minutes?
  • Michael Cera ramblin’ around like a crazy homeless man.
  • WINTERFELL?!?! I need some explanation, people, HELLOOOO.
  • Ah, a small child, hmmm. I don’t think this show is suitable for him but okay.
  • Whoever this man is that is pressuring him into archery is extremely good-looking.
  • This betch is giving SHADE to the redhead stitching with the old woman.
  • Little kid just missed the arrow and everyone laughed; I’m sorry, he probably just killed someone.
  • Related: is his name Bra?
  • Who is this fat man with a braided beard? Is this another trend I missed?
  • Oh, I’ve seen this other man! He’s a meme! YAY REFERENCES!
  • WINTER IS COMING! I’VE SEEN THAT! YAY INTERNETZ!
  • Ah, back to homeless Michael Cera.
  • Actually, he looks nothing like Michael Cera. I take it ALL back.
  • White walkers?! I CANONT HANDLE A CROSSOVER LIKE THIS.
  • What, was it ‘kill your animal and wear it to work’ day?
  • Oh, tell the child to not look away while they kill Michael Cera? CHILD SERVICES.
  • Wait, I love the little boy’s voice.
  • YO DAT MAN WAS TELLIN DA TROOF. DEM WHITE WALKAS IS OUT DER. (sorry)
  • Oh, this poor moose. Blessings on his family.
  • I cannot get on board with these outfits. Like, do you think you look that cool?
  • PUPPY WOLF CAN I KEEP IT?!
  • THEY CANNOT KILL THE DOG STOP IT
  • Alright, I like that guy. Thank you for saving him. You, I like you.
  • ALL THE PUPPIES.
  • Wait, this man’s name is Snow? COME ON.
  • KING’S LANDING- CAPITAL OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS lol okay
  • Is this man getting a massage? I need one.
  • These people with the square canvases? wat.
  • VIGGO MORTENSEN IN THE BUILDING
  • Who is dis blonde lady?
  • Hunting whores? That’s all I got out of that.
  • WAT we are back in the village, I  CAN’T KEEP UP WITH THIS.
  • OoOoOoO purdy tree
  • Ah, marital bliss under the tree.
  • I GET IT. THEY’RE CONNECTED. THE MASSAGE GUY AND THE WINTER IS COMING GUY.
  • lol his name is Ned.
  • All dis woman cares about are her candles.
  • OH HELLO ABS.
  • This child has never been happier running along the roof of this castle.
  • Moms in olden times are the same as they are now.
  • The kid just likes to climb, woman, GEEZ LOUISE.
  • WHAT IS WITH ALL THE CLOAKS, PEOPLE?!
  • HUNTER HAYES WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON A HORSE
  • THERE ARE SO MANY REDHEADS.
  • BABY HUNTER HAYES I CANNOT HANDLE IT.
  • Oh okay, I guess this is the king? Should I kneel down? Is this awkward?
  • TOO MANY CLOAKS.
  • “You got fat”- classic opening line to an old comrade.
  • 9 years?! Hate to break it to you buddy, he’s not a good friend.
  • So they’re like besties with the royal family? Word.
  • They’ve been traveling for a month? Shoulda checked Expedia; I’m SURE they had something available.
  • This guys’ priorities: “crack skulls and f*ck girls.” #playa
  • Joining houses? Is it really that easy?
  • VIGGO MORTENSEN IS BACK.
  • PETER DINKLAGE IS GETTIN IT. 
  • NUDITY
  • What is that? Her tool belt?
  • A LOT OF NUDITY.
  • These two families have a lot of issues to sort out, like dead sisters, and prostitutes, and beards.
  • PENTOS- ACROSS THE NARROW SEA 
  • yo, dis gurl’s hair is not natural in the slightest.
  • NEITHER IS HER BROTHER’S.
  • Allyria? The only thing I can think of
  • So, is this her brother just stripping her right here? Like, is this happening?
  • TITS OUT FOR THA BOYZ.
  • So, she’s burning herself? Numbing the pain of the fact that her brother just touched her boobs, I presume.
  • We go from men in 65 cloaks to naked men riding horses. WHAT IS THE WEATHER IN THIS WORLD.
  • This blonde betch needs to put a bra on. Ain’t they got Victoria’s Secret in their kingdom?
  • This man also has more makeup on than she does.
  • The ceremony was to just look at her and they are to be wed? Oh yeah, same here. Every weekend.
  • LOLZ BETCH YOU GOT NO CHOICE BUT TO BE HIS QUEEN SORRY CHICA.
  • This guy is maybe the worst brother in the world- “I would let his whole tribue f*ck you- all 40,000 men.” SEEYA BYE I WANT OUT OF THIS FAMILY.
  • Oh, back to the redheads.
  • What is it with all of these bitties getting married? Don’t they want to have fun in their twenties?
  • Like seriously, she’s begging to get married.
  • If this feast was at a bar, I would go there for every happy hour.
  • Ah, let me just beat this sack of hay with a sword. I’M SO MANLY.
  • Your half-back hairdo is so cute, sir!
  • This man looks like Orlanda Bloom.
  • So much family dramz. Also, Orlando has a name, and it is not bastard.
  • BACK TO STABBING THE SACK OF HAY.
  • Oh, so now he feels bad for cutting off Michael Cera’s head? TOO LATE BRO.
  • WINTER IS COMING. THERE IT IS AGAIN.
  • The queen’s hair: #stopthat
  • Seriously, this feast looks like a great time.
  • You can’t just ask a young girl if she’s “bled yet;” that’s just like, the rules of feminism!
  • HUNTER HAYES SEXUAL TENSION.
  • “Listen, fat man.” #romance
  • Does no one have privacy any more? Sure, old man, just come on in while we’re cuddling.
  • Oh, sorry, can’t read the letter, I’m just gonna throw it in the fire before I EVEN FINISH READING IT.
  • This bro’s got a lot of scars, how Wolverine of him
  • THIS BEACH LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE BEACH IN MARIO KART SERIOUSLY I THINK THEY ARE THE SAME THING.
  • Also, these dancers- teach me your moves.
  • I just threw up at all these flies on the meat.
  • Okay, so I quickly learned that they are not dancers, but, rather, porn stars. Honest mistake.
  • BRICK JUST KILLED A GUY.
  • Yo, I think this guy has some phlegm in his throat. He is NOT speaking english.
  • I bet you there is something besides books in that pile of books. THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING.
  • I think her husband has the same bra size as me, so that’s fun.
  • IS THAT DANCER/PORN STAR WEARING A DENIM SKIRT?!
  • Oh, so are they going to ride off romantically into the sunset? Yeah, I don’t think so.
  • This sh*t is about to get REAL weird. I am uncomfortable already.
  • SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO TOUCH HER BOOBS, DON’T YOU GET IT.
  • This guy must have gone to the Hair Cuttery; his hair looks HORRIBLE.
  • The king is seriously guilting this guy into doing his dirty work, like, YOU ARE THE WORST FRIEND.
  • Yesssssssss the wolf puppy is back.
  • There he goes, climbin’ castles and sh*t again.
  • His combat boots are nice, where do you think he got them?
  • Does he not hear the two people totally doing it? LOOK AWAY CHILD!
  • BROTHER AND SISTER UHHHHHHH WAT
  • Did he seriously just kill the child, THIS SHOW IS TOO MUCH WHY DID I START WATCHING IT.
  • But on a serious note, I would like the theme song on my iPod. Pretty inspirational stuff.

Well, that was fun. As you can see, I tend to curse a lot in my head. Whoops. The verdict is still out as to whether I am going to continue with the series. There was a little more nudity and blood than I was anticipating. For now, I’ll get back to watching Gossip Girl with Laura and anticipating our start of LOST (I’ve persuaded another one!). Do you watch Game of Thrones? Have any suggestions for me in terms of what shows to start? HOLLA AT ME!

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