What Not To Tweet

Unfortunately for all of us, yes you did.

I get it. You use twitter as a place to get everything out that you feel like you just need to express to the entire internet. Except I don’t really get it at all. It’s not a public journal, people. If you really want to vent, then start a blog and then you have the right to say whatever the hell you want and people have the option of reading it. When I tweeted a link to this blog, you didn’t actually have to click it, right? You chose to. This being said, here’s my rant of things that I’m sick and tired of seeing all over my twitter timeline.

Requests to text you: Are you really that desperate that you feel the need to tweet ‘blahhh i have no friends txt me pleaseeeee’? That’s just pathetic. What, do you think people are going to read that and then think ‘hmmm, I should text that person because they are whining about it on their twitter’? No, I hate to break it to you, people don’t think like that. Maybe you should get your caboose off your twitter and go hang out with your friends, or, better yet, you should go ahead and text them yourself. What a concept.

Play-by-plays of your entire day: So you got a twitter to see what all your friends are up to, or what’s on their mind throughout the day, and they could do the same to you, right? That doesn’t mean that that your friends need to know exactly what time you wake up, where, when, and what you are going to eat for breakfast, or that you’re going to the bathroom right now. I really don’t care that you are currently “sitting on  the couch,” “taking a shower,” or “turning on your light switch.” No one cares about the mundane details of your everyday life.

Tweets to Justin Bieber: Seriously? He’s not going to respond. Write him love letters, I don’t care, but don’t clutter up my timeline. The worst part about this is that some girls have twitters solely dedicated to the Biebs, meaning that they only follow beliebers and they literally only tweet to the Biebs himself. Even if he does retweet you, you are still 100% insignificant to him in relation to his 13 million followers. Go be annoying somewhere else.

Song Lyrics/Bible Verses: Unless you are the actual artist tweeting the lyrics to your own song (no artists do this), then please do not do this. And I know that none of you b*tches are Jesus, so don’t even go there. I don’t care if it is displaying your currently apathetic mood or you want your ex-boyfriend to think it’s about him, I don’t want to see it. I can listen to whatever music I want to and believe in whatever God I want to; I’d prefer if you didn’t try to shove it in my face.

Full Conversations: This has got to be the worst. When you have a twitter conversation from your phone, you know it displays ‘sent from iPhone’, right? Well how about you use that iPhone to text your friend your super important conversation about your drinking plans tonight. There is no need to attempt to prove to other people that you have friends by communicating with them in the most public form possible.

Since this blog is connected to my twitter, I hope to God that some of you reading this right now learned a little something. If you are the perfect tweeter, then I give you a virtual high-five for not annoying the crap out of me on a daily basis.

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